by Mojo the Frenchie, Emotional Support Specialist
Hi. It’s me. Mojo.
The gray, wrinkle-faced legend.
Full-time napper. Part-time medical guardian.
And I’m here to give you my official review of this entire cancer situation:
⭐️ 0/10
Would not recommend.
🩺 Waiting Rooms
She’s hurting. They make her wait like she’s at the DMV.
Fluorescent lighting. Cold chairs. Zero snacks.
Verdict: Unacceptable. I demand a blanket and a service cheese cube.
💉 Injections
They tell her to “relax” while jabbing her like a pincushion.
She thanks them. WHY.
Verdict: I would like to personally bite this entire concept.
🧾 Medical Billing
She cries over bills and says “it’s fine” while the number has a comma in it.
Verdict: Financial crimes in lab coat form.
👩⚕️ “You’re Doing Great!” While She’s Actively Deteriorating
No eye contact. No real answers. Just a rehearsed pep talk.
Verdict: Gaslight, gatekeep, glucose drip.
🧘♀️ The Pressure to Stay Positive
Someone told her it’s “all about mindset.”
I left the room to prevent a felony.
Verdict: You’re not helping. You’re being weird.
🏥 Overall Medical Experience
She’s strong, sure. But she’s also tired, scared, overwhelmed, and in pain.
And still she’s expected to be sweet, grateful, and easy to deal with.
Meanwhile, I’m expected to not bite people.
Verdict: I’m furious. And fluffy. And very much over it.
I may not understand cancer, but I understand her.
And I will continue to glare at doctors, block doorways, and press my face into her side when she needs grounding.
Because even if this whole system fails her, I won’t.
Zero stars. Full loyalty.
– Mojo 🐾
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