(because apparently cancer wanted to colonize my thoughts too)
No one tells you how strange it feels when cancer finds its way into your brain. It’s not just headaches or vision changes — it’s the quiet, creeping weirdness of feeling like your own mind isn’t fully yours anymore. Some days I can’t remember if I took my meds, or if I even ate. Other days I can recite every doctor’s name, dose, and MRI result by heart. It’s like my brain alternates between trivia champion and goldfish.
The Subtle Shifts
At first, it’s easy to chalk it up to exhaustion. You forget a word mid-sentence — “it’s fine.” You lose your balance — “I stood up too fast.” You start zoning out in the middle of someone talking — “I was distracted.” But when it keeps happening, you realize something’s not quite right. The scariest part isn’t the symptom; it’s the uncertainty.
The Medical Side
Brain metastases mean that cancer cells have traveled from somewhere else — in my case, my body’s least welcome hitchhikers. The treatments are complicated: steroids to control swelling, radiation that leaves you dizzy, meds to prevent seizures that make you sleepy. Every solution brings a new side effect. Every decision feels like a gamble.
The Daily Reality
It’s not dramatic most days. It’s subtle. It’s dropping your phone three times before you realize your hand is weak. It’s walking into a room and forgetting why. It’s Pete saying, “You’ve told me that already,” and realizing you did — three times. It’s staring at a blinking cursor trying to finish a blog post — this one — and laughing because the irony writes itself.
The Emotional Mess
There’s a certain humiliation in feeling your sharpness dull. I used to be the one who could multitask, plan, write, and remember every detail. Now, I live off sticky notes and alarms. Mojo looks at me like, “Mom, you okay?” and sometimes the truth is: I’m not sure.
But here’s what I do know: my brain still holds love. It holds humor. It holds fight. And if the cancer wants to live rent-free up there, it’s at least going to pay in content.
💌 Subscriber Note
If you’ve made it this far, thank you for reading, sharing, and caring — you have no idea how much it helps keep Mojo and the Mess going.
A few of you have asked how to help, so I made a list of things that make the day-to-day a little easier (and sometimes a little softer).
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Your support — even just reading — means more than I can ever put into words.
Stay messy, stay kind, and tell your brain you love it today. 🧠💗
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