Steroids Are the Loudest Drug in the Room

No one warned me that one of the most dramatic parts of cancer treatment wouldn’t be chemo — it’d be the steroids.

They come in a tiny pill or IV drip and suddenly turn my whole body into a chaotic, wired, bloated, insomniac mess. They’re given to “help” with nausea, inflammation, appetite… and somehow, they manage to mess with everything.

Steroids are the loudest, most unpredictable drug in the room. And I have a love-hate relationship with them that leans heavily on hate.

WHAT THEY DO TO MY BODY
Let’s start with the basics:
✔ Puffy face? Hello, moon head.
✔ Water retention? Yep, I can feel my ankles yell when I stand up.
✔ Weight gain? Fast and relentless.
✔ Hunger? It’s not hunger — it’s primal, chaotic scavenging.
✔ Insomnia? Why sleep when I can reorganize my closet at 3am?

They turn my body into a balloon and my brain into a buzzing beehive. I’ll cry and rage and clean the bathroom grout with a toothbrush in the same 20-minute window.

They call it “roid rage,” but that doesn’t cover the emotional circus steroids unlock. I feel everything louder, harder, sharper.

WHAT THEY DO TO MY MIND
Steroids turn up the volume on every emotion. I go from inspired to devastated in seconds. I’ve written heartfelt letters and rage-texted in the same afternoon. I’ve cried over my Frenchie’s yawn like it was Shakespearean tragedy.

Anxiety? Through the roof.
Depression? Right behind it.
Impulse control? Let’s just say online shopping while on steroids should come with a lock screen.

There’s no peace. Just fast thoughts, big feelings, and the lingering dread that none of this is even the worst part of treatment.

WHY I STILL TAKE THEM
Here’s the twisted part: they do help.

They keep the nausea bearable. They reduce swelling. They make certain treatments more tolerable. In small bursts, they give me enough energy to get through the day.

But they also make me feel like I’m not fully me. Like I’m watching someone else live in my body — one with chipmunk cheeks, a bloated stomach, and a raging appetite that could burn through a pantry in minutes.

It’s hard to explain how a medication can help you survive while also making you feel like you’re unraveling from the inside out.

THE THINGS THAT HELP
• Soft clothes — everything feels swollen
• Salt intake control (the puff is real)
• Crying without shame
• Drinking all the water
• Letting my husband know when I’m emotionally turbocharged
• Letting Mojo snuggle me when I feel unhinged
• Laughing at the absurdity — because what else can you do?

Steroids are part of the mess. Necessary, chaotic, exhausting. They carry me through and knock me sideways in the same breath.

If you’re on steroids right now and feel like you’re losing your mind — you’re not. It’s not you. It’s the meds. You’re still in there.

And if no one’s told you today: you’re doing great. Even if you’re crying over dog commercials and sweating through your second outfit before noon. This is hard, but you’re still here. Still fighting. Still surviving the storm.

-Izzy & Mojo