Hi. It’s me. Mojo.
Your favorite Frenchie, full-time nurse, part-time snack inspector, and 24/7 emotional support system.
Today’s topic? Mom’s daily medicine routine.
Yes, I watch every single pill go into her mouth. No, it’s not weird. This is called quality control.
Here is my official, highly scientific ranking of Mom’s pills… based entirely on how dramatic she is when she takes them.
1. The Tiny White Pill
Drama Level: 0/10
Description: She swallows this one so fast I barely have time to blink. Boring.
My Review: Could be replaced with a Tic Tac and she wouldn’t notice.
2. The Bright Pink One
Drama Level: 4/10
Description: She makes a tiny face like it tastes bad, but otherwise, no big deal.
My Review: I’ve seen her drink water after this one. Suspicious. Does it burn? Smell weird? I must investigate.
3. The “Horse Pill”
Drama Level: 8/10
Description: This thing is so big I’m worried it might be a chew toy. She has to take a deep breath first and mutters something about “who swallows something this size?” every time.
My Review: Honestly, I would hide this one under the couch.
4. The Bitter Blue One
Drama Level: 9/10
Description: She swallows it, immediately makes a face, and says, “BLEH” loud enough for the neighbors to hear. Then she has to chase it with half a bottle of water.
My Review: If she ever spits this one out, I’m not touching it.
5. The Shot
Drama Level: 15/10 (yes, I know the scale stops at 10 — I make the rules here)
Description: She preps it, stares at it like it personally insulted her, and says “Okay, just do it” about five times before actually doing it. Sometimes she hands it to Dad because she can’t make herself.
My Review: This one is the villain of the story. Even I keep my distance.
Bonus: The “Chemo Week Special”
Drama Level: Depends on the day.
Description: Some weeks she takes it like a champ, other weeks she stares at it for five minutes, sighs a lot, and tells me she hates it.
My Review: I hate it too, Mom. But I’ll stay right here while you take it.
Final Thoughts:
If it were up to me, Mom would skip the bad ones, double up on the good ones, and add bacon-flavored treats to the mix. But since she insists on following “doctor’s orders,” I’ll keep supervising.
And yes — I get a treat after she takes a pill. That’s how this works.
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