I’ve decided cancer has an HR department.
It has to.
There is no way this place is operating without one because some of these policies are completely unacceptable.
I’d like to file a formal complaint.
First of all, I’d like to discuss the attendance policy.
Apparently there are no sick days… for being sick.
You have appointments when you’re exhausted. Blood work when you’re bruised. Treatment when you’re nauseous. Scans when you’re anxious. Phone calls you can’t miss. Insurance companies that somehow always need one more form. Prescriptions that need prior authorizations. Specialists referring you to more specialists.
I’ve had full-time jobs that required less of me than having cancer does.
Second, the dress code.
Who approved this?
Hospital gowns that fit absolutely nobody. Compression sleeves. Surgical bras. Ports. Medical tape. Masks. Shoes that have to be easy to slip on because bending over feels like an Olympic event.
Meanwhile my regular clothes just sit in the closet waiting for a version of me that keeps missing her shift.
Third, I’d like to address management.
Management keeps changing the schedule without asking me.
“Oh, we’re adding another medication.”
“We’re increasing the dose.”
“We’re watching this spot.”
“We found something new.”
I don’t appreciate surprise meetings.
Fourth, let’s talk about the performance reviews.
Every appointment feels like I’m waiting for someone to slide a folder across the table and decide whether I’m doing a good enough job at having cancer.
The blood counts are up.
The blood counts are down.
The scans are stable.
The scans changed.
You’re responding.
You’re progressing.
It’s strange having your entire life summarized in numbers you have absolutely no control over.
And while we’re here…
Who designed the benefits package?
The deductible is offensive.
The side effects are rude.
The hold music from the insurance company should probably violate several international laws.
I’d also like to know why fatigue is mandatory but sleep is optional.
That feels like poor planning.
But my biggest complaint isn’t even the cancer itself.
It’s the expectation that I should somehow be an exceptional employee while working here.
Smile.
Stay positive.
Be inspiring.
Be grateful.
Don’t complain too much.
Don’t make people uncomfortable.
Handle bad news gracefully.
Keep everyone updated.
Keep everyone hopeful.
Keep going.
Some days I can.
Some days I can’t.
Some days I don’t have anything left after simply existing.
If cancer really does have an HR department, I’d like them to know that I’m doing the best I can with a position I never applied for.
I didn’t submit a résumé.
I didn’t accept an offer.
I definitely didn’t negotiate the salary.
I just showed up one day and found my name on the schedule.
So if my performance isn’t perfect, if I miss a smile, if I cry in the parking lot before an appointment, if I forget to text someone back because my brain is foggy or I spend an entire afternoon asleep…
I hope they’ll understand.
Because despite all my complaints, I still clock in every single day.
Not because I want to.
Because I don’t have another choice.
Before You Go…
If this made you laugh, nod your head, or quietly think, “Yep, that’s exactly what it’s like,” I hope you’ll stick around.
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