The last few days, I’ve been in bed.
Not in a “taking it easy” way.
In a I don’t feel good, everything hurts, I keep getting sick, and I don’t have the energy to fight it kind of way.
I tried at first. I always do.
I’ll tell myself I’m just tired, I’ll push through it, I’ll get up in a minute.
But then the nausea hits again.
Or my body just feels heavy in a way that doesn’t go away if I rest for an hour.
So I stayed in bed. I slept a lot, but it wasn’t real sleep.
More like passing time.
I’d wake up, look at my phone, put it back down.
Turn the TV on just so it wasn’t quiet, but I couldn’t even tell you what was on.
I tried reading something at one point and gave up halfway through a page because I couldn’t focus.
I got up to throw up.
Came back and laid down again.
Tried to drink something.
Felt worse.
Same thing over and over. And after a while, it starts to mess with you. Because part of you knows you’re sick.
You know there’s a reason.
But another part of you starts thinking, this feels lazy.
Like I should be doing more.
Like I’m falling behind on everything.
Even though I physically couldn’t do anything different. That’s the part I hate. It feels like a setback.
Like I was doing okay, holding it together, managing things… and then I’m right back in bed for days again like none of that mattered.
Time just goes.
Morning turns into night and I didn’t really do anything except exist and try not to feel worse.
And then today… I’m not “better.”
But I’m not as bad. Which, at this point, is enough for me to try. I got up. Slowly.
Everything still feels off.
My body still feels weak.
I’m still tired in that deep way that doesn’t really go away.
But I can be up.
Even if it’s just a little.
Even if I’m moving around the house and already thinking about when I’m going to need to lay back down again.
It’s weird. Because getting out of bed used to mean nothing. Now it feels like I’m testing something. Like I’m seeing how much I can handle today without ending up right back where I just was. I don’t trust it yet. I don’t trust that I won’t wake up tomorrow and be back in that same cycle.
So I’m just… trying.
Trying to be up a little longer.
Trying to feel like a person again.
Trying to step back into things without pushing so hard that I knock myself right back down.
And it’s not impressive.
It’s not a big moment.
But after the last few days, it feels like something.
Mojo POV
She stayed in bed a lot.
At first I thought it was just one of those days.
So I laid with her.
But then it kept going.
She got up sometimes, but not for long.
And every time she did, she came right back.
So I stayed close.
I don’t know why she gets like this.
I just know when she’s not okay.
Today she got up more.
Walked around a little.
Didn’t go right back to bed.
So I followed her.
Just in case.
If you’re here
If you’ve had days where you’re stuck in bed like that, not because you want to be but because your body won’t give you another option, I get it.
And if getting up after feels weird, like you’re trying to rejoin your own life, I get that too.
That’s why I write this stuff.
If you want to keep reading, you can subscribe so you don’t miss anything.
There’s also a Resources section on my site with things that might actually help when you’re in it.
And if you’ve ever wanted to support what I’m building here, there’s a Keep Mojo & The Mess Going page that helps keep everything going.
Everything’s linked in the blog.
Thank you for being here 🤍
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